life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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