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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do you have swine flu?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Pigs, yes. Swine, no.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you

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• (951): View more from California

  now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  how can getting a pizza be this hard?

  (817): View more from Texas

  when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door

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