Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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