why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
