Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
