At least make sure they are 18
Why
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
