Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
