she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
