I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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