Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
