Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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