My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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