I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
