i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
