She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize