we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
