Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
