okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
