how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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