I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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