Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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