Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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