Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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