this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
