twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
