I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
