Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
