she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize