so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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