Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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