Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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