Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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