Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
