Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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