Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
