Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
