I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
