I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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