pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
