ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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