My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
too bad you live with your parents still
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
