You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize