The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
