I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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