he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
