i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
