Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
