I got chris browned last night
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
