3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
