i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize