This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
