i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
