After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
