Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
