i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
