the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i've created a new STD.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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