Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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