We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
