It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
