I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
