would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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