I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
