I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
