dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
